Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt

I recently read an interesting article explaining to women why they are still single. Likewise, I have many single male friends that complain about not encountering the right person. When asked questions regarding what they are seeking, they provide responses that indicate they maintain a focus that is shallow and selfish. I thought about how the article could be modified to also address single males and decided to provide the following advice expanding on comments from the article:

“..most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them.”
Like many, I went through a phase of falling for women that really had no interest in me. Some were mean and others simply indifferent. I also advised many of my female friends to focus on men that could appreciate their beauty and not focus on their faults. My epiphany happened when I decided to take my own advise and focussed on women that were nice to me (appreciated me, were attracted to me). Suddenly, my luck began to change.

“..men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy.”
This piece of the article talks about the shallow attributes some women focus on. Once again, I would advise my friends to pay attention to why she is with you. If her focus is looks, money or other shallow matters, then move on. In the same way, one should adjust one’s focus to finding a woman of character.

“..a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself.”
What defines a woman of character? Find a woman that can give as well as receive, who can compromise and who believes in the importance of family. If it is always her way or the highway, choose the highway. A total party girl will not be around for the long run (either she will get bored with you or you will get eventually get tired of the noisy club scene).

“..marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it.”
If you think you will be getting a maid or concubine once you get married, wake up! Being married is about working hard every day with your partner to make a future for both of you and your children. Waking up early to take your boys to their team’s baseball game and cheering them on as they play. The joy one gets comes from giving and sharing.

Article: Why You’re Not Married
Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html?ref=fb&src=sp

NEW MONOGAMY?

I found the following article related to my prior blog:

 

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/CouplesandMarriage/ArticleIV2.aspx?cp-documentid=299661&GT1=7909

 

It talks about cheating within the rules.  Most of the experts tend to agree that this does not work out.  The following is my favorite response from one of my favorite authors:

Dr. Ruth
"There’s No Acceptable Percentage of Risk"
Because I’m a sex therapist, I see the people who have problems, and that probably slants my view in a predictable direction. But boy, do I see problems when couples have been having sex with other people — even when both parties initially consented to the idea. Two happily married people might think that their relationship can survive introducing other partners into the mix. But when one partner gets jealous, then the damage done to the relationship is often irreparable.

Are there couples that engage in this agreed-upon cheating without incurring any harm? Possibly. So I guess the question becomes: What are the odds of a relationship falling apart because of such behavior? I can’t be certain, but if you value your relationship, there is no acceptable percentage of risk in my book. It’s my belief that the old monogamy is far better than the new one.

The original sexpert, Dr. Ruth has given advice for over 20 years and counting. She’s hosted many television shows — including Sexually Speaking with Dr. Ruth Westheimer and What’s Up, Dr. Ruth? among others. She’s written 30 books, such as Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex, The Art of Arousal (Abbeville Press) and her newest, Dr. Ruth’s Sex After 50: Revving Up Your Romance, Passion and Excitement! (A Best Half of Life), taught classes at Yale and been named one of People’s "Most Intriguing People of the Century."